Lately I have been struggling with myself more than usual. See, growing up, I was a bean pole; tall and awkward. But after a hard hit from depression and a bit of thanks to birth control pills, I was, and still am, no longer a ‘bean pole.’ Now I am a 21 year old ‘chubby’ girl. It has been a sever struggle for me to embrace the new body that faces me in the mirror. 90% of the time I break down and get angry at myself for letting this happen. BUT, there is 10% of that time that I look at myself and remember, I have a husband who loves me for everything I am; chubbiness and all. So that kind of makes me love myself once in a while.
So as the beginning of May rolled around, I started a confidence challenge for myself. This challenge was for me to lose some weight, actually purchase clothes to fit my shape and flatter me, and get back into a routine like I had when I first got married. Seems like an easy enough list right? Well believe it or not, it has been rough.
The first one on the list: lose some weight. I have never had to diet in my life. I always ate what I wanted and didn’t have to worry. Now that my body is no longer capable of that, I needed to figure this out. I started nightly walks, but I jumped right into hardcore time at the gym, which hurt me a bit. I was sore for 3 days. I never gave myself time to recoop in between work outs. But I have dedicated myself to eating much smaller meals and a little better than I was. So far, I see a difference in just the week and a half I’ve been doing this.
Next on my list was: purchasing clothes that fit and flattered me. Now, if you are chubby or are close to someone who is, you will understand the struggle to find cute clothes to fit a heavier girl. I did happen to stumble upon a site a little bit ago that targeted Plus Size girls for their business. Torrid was a savior. I didn’t need to dread swimsuit season and the summer weather that usually means the less clothes on, the better. I have actually just received one of their swimsuits today in the mail, and I never thought I could feel so good about myself in a swimsuit, and a ONE PIECE no less.
(The picture is the one I bought! I’ll write a review next post about this and other things mentioned in this post.)
And my third goal: get back into a routine.
Marriage is just about everything movies make it out to be. It’s rough. And I won’t lie, I let myself go since I got hitched. When my husband and I started dating, I took serious time for myself in the bathroom in front of that mirror. That was actually a point in my life where I felt the most confident. I showered every day, did my hair, did constant skin regimens, and always did my make up. I did pay off, all that time. My skin was almost perfect, and my hair was so long and luscious. I loved myself, HA! So to get back into that, I bought all new skin products and make up. And even though my husband had a heart attack at the register ($84 for about 6 things of make up, with store savings -__-) he knew I was trying to make a difference for myself, which is all he has been asking me to do ever since he found out how uncomfortable I am with myself.
With all that said, this is a glimpse into what to expect from me and this blog. I want to take you on my journey with finding my confidence again, and also sharing some advice and products I am using to do so. 🙂