As I said in a previous post, marriage is hard work. It’s one of those things you are told growing up but you honestly don’t believe ’cause your parents make it look easy, and when you start dating, it feels easy. So why is it hard work?
Learning To Share Your Personal Space
The majority of us have gotten accustomed to having ‘me’ time, but when you get married ‘me’ becomes ‘we.’ It’s that whole ‘what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours’ deal. It’s tough to share your personal space (and items) with someone on a daily basis; your bed, your bathroom, maybe even clothes. Solution? Discuss boundaries and concerns. Sometimes it even helps to pitch in together to get something that is both of yours. Start small by getting a stereo, or maybe even a fish. Learn to compromise by selecting a CD or song for the radio together. Or by learning to care for a fish together, another living thing.
$$$ MONEY $$$
This is a big one. I can not stress this enough: DO NOT COMBINE ANYTHING UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED. Bank accounts, car loans, ANYTHING. Too many times I see people do this before they get married and then they have problems trying to split everything when they break up. At least when you break up when you are married there are lawyers to help with that. But anyway, money is, and always will be, an issue you and your husband/wife will have many arguments about. In most cases, there is only one of you that takes care of the money. Take for example, I am the finacial advisor for my marriage. I track bank accounts, credit cards, car payments, etc. The issue that comes up when it is like that, is the other seems to think there is an endless supply of money because they don’t see it. Solution? Go through the budget with your S/O and show them what money comes in and how much has to go out to bills and food, and also show them what is left for ‘fun.’
When you marry your S/O, you marry their family. You now have another set of parents, a new set of grandparents (if they are still alive), and new aunts and uncles and cousins, and brothers and sisters. It’s difficult dealing with your own family, let alone TWO. Holidays become a challenge and heaven forbid they don’t like you or your family doesn’t like your S/O. Solution? Honestly, there may never be a solution. It all depends on how you chose to handle it and also why they feel the way they do about you or how your family feels about your person.
And last but not least: Kids.
This is a topic I can only make observations on. My husband and I have chosen to not have children, but have decided that if it happened we would love our baby no matter what. Now a days most people are having kids before marriage or are having kids and don’t want to get married. This imposes a lot of problems down the line believe it or not. Having kids puts a strain on any relationship. I think having kids when you are married is a little easier. But only if you have kids for the right reasons. The wrong reasons being: bigger tax refund (sad as it is, this is a real reason) or to make him/her stay with you. Here is something most people don’t understand, if you stay with someone just because you had a child with them you are risking so much more than your happiness. You aren’t showing your kid the proper way to love someone. And all that fighting and bickering you think they don’t see or hear? They hear it. They see it. You are damaging your kids by being unhappy with each other. Here’s what I think: If your happy, your children will be happy. Plan and simple.